My wife says to me after signing up for a couples massage "it will be nice to get a massage from a guy that won't get a hard-on and try to have sex with me" Great. IMV.

I'm vexed by 8-year old students. I work for a national bank and was asked to come speak to some 2nd grade students about the importance of saving money. One of the comments on a "thank-you" note said "I hope you enjoyed the bailout" I guess he has a point. IMV.

I am vexed that she waited until after we had sex to tell me she had an std. IMV.

Today, I was using the bathroom when my cell phone started ringing. I answered in a haste and dropped the friggin thing right into the toilet. How am I going to explain this to Verizon? IMV.

I'm alone in an unfamiliar town, so I decided to get some sushi from a local restaurant. The only seat available was at the bar right next to two guys kissing. They both turned and looked at me. One of them winked. I'm now at Taco Bell writing this vex. IMV.

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that my boss was impressed with me and my work. She told me she was impressed with me as well--until I took my pants off. IMV.

It should be illegal for illegal aliens to gain entry into the United States. What do we do about it? We punish the only sheriff trying to handle the problems at the border. IMV.

I'm vexed that a little kid in a costume was already at my door looking for Halloween candy at 7:30 this morning. You have got to be kidding me. IMV.

Why do restaurants use the worlds thinnest toilet paper? I rushed to the restroom only to find thin tissue paper that feels like sand paper. As I wiped, two fingers plunged through the paper right into my chocolate starfish. Now, I have poop on my fingers and on my Blackberry. IMV.

You turn my design down because it is "ugly"? You don't offer any constructive criticism. You're a sadist. You're a psychopath. Why am I even trying to help your crappy company out? It can burn in Hell for all I care, you can too, all your employees and burn too. I hope Portland gets flattened. IMV.

I'm vexed that the Green Bay Packers cannot find a way to beat the Minnesota Vikings. IMV.

It vexes me that while lugging 100 lbs of luggage 2 miles from the car to the hotel registration desk I get stopped by a hotel employee asking if I'm checking in. I say yes and she says great and starts to help us "check in". Right as we put our bags down and breath a sigh of relief she goes into her sales pitch for this and that to get free shows and whatnot. Are you f'in kidding me? You lure us in by posing as hotel check in staff? Screw you. And while you're at it, grab one of my damn bags and bring it to my room. IMV.

My boyfriend of 4 years really vexes me. Today, he went down on one knee and said how much he loved me. I've been waiting for this moment for the past 2+ years. He then stood up laughing and said "I'm joking baby. You know we aren't ready for this yet" He now has my handprint in his face. IMV.

Today, while talking about balls in general (sports, not the other ones), the Asian girl at work slyly comments that she's seen some before, just never as small as mine. WTF? IMV.

I'm vexed by the jalapeno peppers I had on my Subway sandwich. Like any man in America, I scratched my balls after a good meal and now it feels like a flamethrower is delivering fourth-degree burns to my nut sack. IMV.

For some reason, my brain and stomach don't talk to each other and I end up eating way too much. I guess this is probably the reason I'm fat. F*** me. IMV.

I'm vexed by professional wrestling on TV. People actually watch this shit? You've gotta be kidding me. IMV.

I'm peeing at the urinal, I look straight up to a sign that reads: "Why are you looking up here? The joke is in your hands." I just got vexed by a frickin wooden sign. IMV.

I'm vexed that I should be doing my schoolwork but instead I'm here reading and making posts about how vexed I am. IMV.

I'm vexed by people who leave mustard and mayo packets on the ground in a parking lot. We pulled in and ran over one accidentally spraying mayo all over the car next to us. Being nice we take the time to clean it all off the other car. We'd hope someone would do the same for us. When we go out to our car this morning there is mustard plastered all over the back out it. Its been there a while too baking in the sun so its nice and crusty at this point. WTF? Is karma playing a joke? IMV.